


Sidequest

by clarityhiding



Series: Tales from the House of Mau [5]
Category: Batman (Comics), Birds of Prey (Comic), DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics), Superboy (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dragons, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Established Relationship, JayTimBINGO2019, M/M, Meet the Family, Selkies, Whales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-18 21:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20645780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarityhiding/pseuds/clarityhiding
Summary: It's a busy week for Jason—his boyfriend's skipped town without notice, he's been left with an unlikely (and unnecessary) babysitter, and he's just been informed that that Date Night is still on and he's meeting said missing boyfriend's parents.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Week 7: Urban Fantasy of JayTimMonth(ish), it's the next installment of my smol dragon AU! Many thanks to chibi_nightowl for the excellent beta. <3

Jason runs into the guy on his way to see Tim, the two of them nearly colliding when he goes to unlock the door.

"What the—? Who the hell are you?" He doesn't mean to sound so hostile, but he's a bit thrown by the fact that some strange guy is in his boyfriend's apartment, even if the stranger _is_ on his way out.

"Oh, hey, you must be Jason. It's great to finally meet you." The guy smiles, sweet and disarming, and Jason finds himself reaching out to shake the offered hand before he can really stop himself.

He drops it like a hot potato. "You still haven't answered my question. Who are you and what are you doing in Tim's apartment?"

"He didn't tell you…? Of course he didn't, classic Tim." The guy sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "I'm Conner? Tim asked me to housesit for him while he's on vacation."

Jason tilts his head back and studies the man in the doorway. "Huh. I guess you must be. You really do take after Clark's side of the family, don't you?" Then his brain catches up with the rest of the sentence and he completely forgets about inconsequential things like family resemblance. "Wait, what? What vacation? Tim never said anything about going on _vacation_."

"He does it every summer? Goes to visit his folks for a month or two." Conner steps aside so Jason can enter, though he doesn't see the point—now that he's eaten the egg, it's not like there are any mundanes left living in the building to overhear their conversation.

"Don't his parents live in Gotham?" Jason's pretty sure Tim mentioned growing up in Bristol at some point, something about his parents having to move out of the city and into the suburbs before he was hatched.

"Uh, yes and no? They're retired and getting up there in years, so they only spend half the year in the city and the other half with the sea dragons. Seriously, Tim _has_ to've talked to you about this."

"No," Jason says, leaning against the door himself now since he's feeling more than a little unsteady on his feet with this bombshell. "No, he definitely forgot to mention it."

* * *

Seeing as how Tim has no houseplants, no pets, and usually forgets to pick up his mail anyway until Jason brings it to him, Jason is fairly certain Conner is here less to housesit the tiny apartment and more to babysit his not-so-tiny boyfriend.

"That's ridiculous. From what I've heard, you're already way better at adulting than him. Why would he think you need someone to look after you?" John says when Jason mentions this before the start of the Tuesday night game.

True to his word, Alan did his best to smooth things over between John and the rest of the spacecop group, so now Jason's Tuesday nights are finally his own again to do with as he pleases. Or, well. He still has to spend it in the shop because while he more than trusts John and Kyle and the others, he's pretty sure Guy is the sort who wouldn't think twice about wandering into the shop itself and dicking around just long enough to break something. The rest of the group has reassured him multiple times it's not going to happen, that Guy is an actual cop and very responsible, but Jason is choosing to take all their words with a grain of salt.

Plus, he may be a little invested on learning how this campaign pans out, now that he's no longer in charge of running it.

"Maybe he's on edge after that whole thing with the guy who went nutso last March," Kyle says, answering John's question for him. "Renee said when the authorities checked the guy's living conditions to see if maybe he could be released back out on his own again, they found bits and pieces of human body parts in jars of formaldehyde and stuff. Creepy, mad-science serial killer stuff."

"I didn't know you and Renee talked," Jason says, getting sidetracked yet again.

"She and Jennie know each other. Alan helped Renee through a tough time when some jerkoff publicly outed her."

Jason knows Renee had a bunch of shit go down with her strict Catholic family when they found out she wasn't ever going to settle down with some man, but it wouldn't surprise him if they also somehow found out about the whole witch thing at the same time and it made matters a lot worse. "Right. I keep forgetting how Alan somehow manages to know everyone despite being a hundred and ninety."

"He's not a hundred and ninety," Hal insists. "I mean. Probably. We're pretty sure."

It's moments like this that Jason doesn't wonder if the entire spacecop group has been pulling his leg this whole time and it's more than just Kyle who knows about all the magical shenanigans and goings on about the building. He clears his throat. "_Anyway_. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I did it for years in the worst part of the city before I ever moved here. I don't need someone to look after me."

"Fair. But, okay. I have seen this friend of Tim's, and all I'm saying is at least your guy left you with something nice to rest your eyes on while he's gone?" Kyle says.

"I don't know you. Also, I'm telling Jennie you said that."

"Go right ahead and tell her—I sent her a picture earlier because honestly that sort thing should be shared."

"Oh my god. Tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to hang out with these idiots again?" John asks, burying his face in his hands.

"Because Alan is a sweetheart and it's very difficult to say no to him when he's got an idea in his head," Kyle blithely answers. "I CC'd him on the picture, too. _Shared_."

"That's it, I'm calling it. If you want to keep letting Rayner be a part of this thing, you owe me an extra $20 each week," Jason announces. "He's a blight on humanity and I refuse to let him set foot on the premises without additional compensation."

* * *

"So. Conner. You're a dragon, right?" At least, Jason assumes he must be, since he's somehow very distantly related to Tim.

"Uh, could be. Why?" The guy's been hanging around the shop all morning, as if Jason didn't need further proof that he's here to act as a babysitter.

"Just curious. I know you're related to the Kents, that much is obvious. Tim said at some point that one of your dads is a relative of his, so I figure…"

Conner laughs, short and bitter. "There's actually some debate on that? I mean, on whether I count as a dragon or not. Technically, if you hatch out of a dragon egg, that's it, you're a dragon. But dragons are basically adorable little lizards that can change shape and grow very slowly over the course of their entire lives, right?"

"Sounds about right from my experience, sure."

"My conception was really—it wasn't… It wasn't exactly orthodox, let's say. And either because of Clark's funky DNA or whatever bad magic mojo the dragon pulled on the egg after it was laid, I hatched out as a six-year-old human-looking kid. No scales, no wings, no shapeshifting abilities. Just me, growing at a normal, human rate."

"So, you took after your human dad. Is that weird or something?" Though Conner said something about Clark's DNA being funky, and there was that whole thing Charlie said months ago, about the Kents not being mundanes… Plus, Conner's giving him a very odd look right now. "What? I know it's hard to believe with how knowledgeable I come across, but just because I run a place like Knight & Page doesn't mean I actually _know_ much about all this magic stuff."

"You really don't…? Wait, aren't you friends with Clark and Jon? And Kory Anders, for that matter?"

"Well, Clark's more of a business acquaintance and I don't know if 'friend' is exactly the term to use for someone less than half my age, but sure. I'm friends with Kory—what of it?" Come to think of it, he's pretty sure this isn't even the first time her name has come up in relation to the Kents', which doesn't even make all that much sense. Sure, Jason can easily buy Conner being a relative—heck, the guy looks like he could almost be a younger clone of Clark, when it comes down to it. Kory, on the other hand? He keeps expecting someone to tell him she's yet another Amazon from Magical Lesbian Paradise Island.

"Jason, you do know we're not Earthly beings, right?"

"Wait, so Clark _is_ magical? Because people seemed pretty ready to reassure me he wasn't in the past."

"No, I mean—well. Me and Jon, we kind of are, seeing as how Clark only contributed half our genetic makeup and the rest is solidly Earth-based, but Clark and Kory—they're not human. They're aliens. From outer space."

"_What_."

* * *

Jason makes Conner watch the shop so he can stomp over to Battle Acts next door. As luck would have it, Kory is between lessons at the moment and more than willing to give him a moment of her time for a private little heart-to-heart.

"I hope you are doing alright. I know it can be difficult, when the caretaker of your heart is engaged elsewhere," she says, because she's ridiculous and has been doing this weird cheerleading thing ever since Jason and Tim started going out.

"It's fine," he says, even though it's not fine at all that Tim up and skipped town without giving him any kind of warning. "You know what's _not_ fine? That I had to find out from a friend of a friend that you're quite literally _not of this world_ and, y'know. That's information I feel should've come up at some point?" Maybe even while they were still fooling around, in fact. Particularly since non-human procreation can apparently be all kinds of fucked up and weird.

"Oh dear," she says and something seems to… shift about her. It's a subtle change, but suddenly she seems to tower even taller while her skin takes on a gleaming copper color and her green eyes ignite with some sort of inner flame. "I was not trying to mislead you, Jason. It was just not relevant at the time, and I have learned during my stay on this planet that it is best to keep such information private."

"So private that every person I run into seems to know about it _except_ for me," Jason grumbles. "Please tell me Roy knows? Because he fucking deserves to." He and Roy have been friends for ages, since before Jason ever even heard of Knight & Page. The idea that his best friend could be head-over-heels for an _alien_ and not even realize it… He can't keep that sort of thing to himself, he just _can't_.

"Of course. He is my beloved. You do not keep such things from your beloved."

"Great. So everyone around me is either magic or an alien."

"There are very few aliens on this planet at the moment. We just generally find the magical community to be more accepting than the mundane one, so if we choose to reveal ourselves, it is usually to those who are magical in nature. Also," she smiles and raises a hand, fire dancing from finger to finger, "some of us are not entirely mundane either."

Jason jerks back, glancing around to make sure no one in the mostly empty studio has noticed what they're doing in their own small corner. "Shit! Sorcery?"

"Very good! We use different terms where I come from, but that is the Earth equivalent. You are learning quickly." She damps the flame and leans down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I know it is all very complicated and frightening, but you are doing quite well. I am proud to call you my friend."

"Yeah, well." He ducks his head, unable to help the smile that tugs at his lips. "I'm getting a lot of help along the way."

* * *

"Remember, I'm only _loaning_ this to you, I'm not _giving_ it to you," Barbara says Thursday night, shoving a reusable cloth shopping bag at Jason.

"Uh, thanks? Er, what is it?" He's pretty sure he didn't ask to borrow anything from her, but apparently his boyfriend also decided to go on vacation and may or may not have told him about it ahead of time. It's possible Jason's been a bit scatterbrained lately, what with balancing the shop, a serious relationship, and trying to learn all he's supposed to know about being a witch.

"Something Tim asked if you could borrow. I'm only lending that to you because I trust you implicitly and because I owe you for taking care of the warlock. I realize it's not at 100%, but that's no excuse to mistreat it—you better bring it back in the same condition you got it."

Twitching aside the lip of the bag, he sees the contents seems to be a rolled-up leather jacket or something of the like. "Wait, is this…? What am I supposed to do with _this_?"

"Wear it, I assume. Tim said something about wanting to take you to meet his parents for your date night this week, and I guess he figured this was easier than expecting you to master a bunch of complicated spells in a short period of time," Dinah says, sliding past Jason to get to her usual seat. "There's this, also," she adds, thrusting a slim chain into his hands, two small discs hanging from it.

"Amulets?" He recognizes them from the one he made for Tim, though these look much fancier, with tiny, complicated designs etched on their sides.

"_Obviously_ that won't work for you without any additional magic to make it take. And of course you'll need some kind of way to actually communicate while you're under there. It isn't as if you speak the language of the Sea."

"Also, fair warning," Babs says, grinning up at him as she taps the bag. "That will let you take on a form that can survive the waves, but it'll give you _my_ form."

"Well, yeah. I mean, that's pretty clear." He figured that out as soon as he recognized it.

"Oh, sweetheart. What she means is it'll give you _her_ form. _Her_ form," Dinah says. "But hey. That's the advantage of being involved with a dragon. We don't give a shit when it comes to shape or gender." She frowns. "Well, I mean. Usually. You may encounter some difficulties with Tim's parents, of course."

Right, that's the other thing. "How the heck am I supposed to meet his parents if he's _out of town_?" Between one thing and another, Jason is really starting to feel like he may have accidentally missed an important conversation sometime in the last month.

"I think Conner's supposed to take care of that. He's a good boy, it'll be fine. I mean, as far as meeting up with Tim, it should go fine. His parents…" Dinah grimaces and shakes her head. "I regret to say that some of my relatives aren't the best at the whole family thing. They'll probably hate you, so feel free to ignore them—they're purists who think dragons should only get involved with other dragons, like that sort of thing even matters in this day and age."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim has some 'splainin' to do.

"It's really nice of you to do this for Tim," Jason says Friday morning, because that's a bit more polite than restating yet again that he doesn't need a babysitter.

"Tim helped me with my family problems, it's only fair that I help him with his if I can," Conner says from where he's crouched on the floor, scrubbing. It turns out that in addition to the usual draconic telekinesis, he also has super-strength. The two abilities combined work wonders when it comes to removing the many years and strata of accumulated dirt from the restroom floor.

"Most people wouldn't be able to just up and put their lives on hold for someone at a moment's notice."

"Oh, he asked me about doing this months ago—like I said before, I don't know how he forgot to tell you, but you know how Tim is—for someone so smart, sometimes he's pretty dumb." Conner shrugs and holds out his hand for a brush after tossing the one he's been using in the trash can with perfect accuracy, its bristles completely worn off. He's gone through three already, but Jason's also learned the restroom floor has actual _patterns_ on the tiles and he's loathe to stop this endeavor before they've divulged all their secrets. "As for my life—I'm just across the bay in Metropolis. It is literally a hop, skip, and a jump for me to get here."

Considering that the powers Conner _does_ possess apparently include flight at super-sonic speeds, he probably means it. Still. "You've been insisting on spending half the day in the shop, and you're taking on my Saturday shifts," since apparently today's special date night is one that will go overnight. "You must have your own job you're blowing off for this."

"Eh, yes and no. I've got a paid internship over at _The Daily Planet_ as a proofreader—yay for nepotism—and as long as I get all my work done and turned in to my supervisor before the end of the day, she lets me slack off when it comes to being in the office. One of the advantages of being related to Clark means it takes me a lot less time to do stuff than just about everyone else."

"'Just about'?" Jason eyes the near-spotless restroom of Knight & Page. The gleaming walls and tiles that, less than fifteen minutes ago, were a dingy grey that he honestly thought hadn't ever been any other color. "You mean there are people who're even _faster_ than you?"

"Oh, sure. Clark's way more powerful on account of not being some weird-ass mad-science hybrid, and Tim and I knew this guy in college who could've cleaned this place in under five minutes. We were never entirely sure, but we _think_ he might've been a time traveler also," Conner says, rocking back on his heels and brushing off his knees. "Now, you mentioned a shady basement? I gotta warn you, if there's magic, I may be kind of useless. It's, uh. Magic doesn't mix so well with Kryptonian biology."

"How does that work with the whole… half-magical-being thing?" Jason asks, giving him a hand up.

"Not too well, to be honest. Probably part of the reason why I don't look anything like a dragon," Conner admits with a grimace. "Though considering what-all my dragon parent did to Clark, it's surprising he was able to get a viable egg at all. It was…" He trails off, shaking his head. "The whole thing was a big mess and it's a miracle I even exist."

Jason nods, feeling more than a little perturbed. He really wants to know more—there are all kinds of things being implied by the way Conner's choosing to phrase things, and when you consider that despite looking like a six-year-old human when he hatched, he doesn't look more than ten years younger than Clark now. All in all, it makes some very uncomfortable math. "I probably shouldn't mess with the stuff in the basement without talking to Alan or the coven first anyway. It's technically on my part of the property, but it's full of all kinds of magical hoo-ha that I shouldn't be getting near until I know a bit more."

"Probably," Conner agrees. "I'm the last person to ask anything about magical stuff. I didn't even know there was a whole community until I met Tim. My parents—adoptive parents, I mean, but they're Clark's too—they figured it was better to just steer clear of all that after everything that happened with Clark."

Jason wavers for a moment, then finally makes a decision. "I don't know what your plans are while you're in the city, but you might try talking to Harley over in Adventure Thyme. She doesn’t look it, but she's a fully certified psychologist and she had her own bad run-in with a warlock in the past."

"Yeah, I think Clark might have mentioned her. Thanks, I'll think about it." Pausing in the doorway, Conner glances back to give him a smile. "You're a good guy, Jason. Tim's really lucky he found you."

Which leaves Jason flustered enough that he ends up standing there like an idiot for a full five minutes before he gets his shit together and makes it out front to open the shop. He knows that he should be nervous about meeting Tim's parents tonight, but somehow it feels like he's already passed the test that really matters.

* * *

That evening, Conner insists on being the one to take Jason to meet with Tim. It's… kind of really weird? He tries to protest that he's perfectly capable of taking a bus or an Uber, but the look he's given makes it clear that this is part of the larger arrangement between Conner and Tim. "I'm just saying that, as weird as Gotham is, people are going to notice a couple of dudes flying over the city."

"Relax, I've got a really solid notice-me-not charm that is definitely up to the task of covering both me and a passenger. Plus, no Uber could take you where we're going."

Jason narrows his eyes, because his experience with notice-me-not charms hasn't left him the biggest proponent of the things. "It isn't one that Tim made you, is it? Because I love the man, but even _I_ know he's shit at making charms. He sneezed himself into a scales with me and let me tell you, I _definitely_ noticed that."

Conner laughs and shakes his head, looping his arms around Jason's middle and lifting them both off the gritty pavement behind the building. "Oh yeah, the one he has is crap—he hasn't got anywhere near enough years on him to be trying spellwork, that's a given. No, mine is the one he had _before_—he knew I had no connections to the magical community, so he gave me the notice-me-not charm he used when he was growing up and made that half-assed replacement for himself. I swear the only reason he made it through college without being outed as a dragon was that so many people were too exhausted, drunk, or hungover to really notice."

Gulping, Jason clutches the bag from Babs with its precious cargo even tighter to his chest as he watches buildings pass by below them. "What do you mean, Tim hasn't got enough years to be trying spellwork?" he asks in an effort to distract himself from the fact that the only thing keeping him aloft are two admittedly impressive arms.

"Most people have one innate magical path that they can follow—witchery, sorcery, or wizardry. Dragons are the exception in that they all hatch with sorcery—the shapeshifting—and gradually gain additional abilities as they go. Usually other forms of sorcery at the start—like how Tim has telekinesis and fire-breathing in addition to shapeshifting—then, sometime around the end of their first or second century, they gain witchery as well. _Eventually_ they can even gain wizardry, but most of those dragons are so old and so huge that they rarely ever interact with the rest of us anymore."

"Yikes. So when Tim says dragons are the ambassadors of magic, he really means it, huh?" It belatedly occurs to Jason that this must all be pretty difficult stuff for Conner to talk about—despite the guy being a dragon by technicality, he's lacking a lot of the defining characteristics of a dragon, probably including whatever it is that makes them for all accounts immortal. "Sorry, I shouldn't even be asking you about this stuff."

"Dude, I know I'm a bit of a freak. You're a lot nicer about the whole thing than a lot of magical-types are, plus you've been awesome for Tim and Jon. You can ask me anything you want about dragon shit, I don't mind. Heck, if anything I'm more likely to give you a less-biased view of things than a lot of dragons, since I grew up outside the community and I have a very solid view on just how weird their way of life really is."

Well, in that case. "Do you have any idea what I can expect when it comes to meeting Tim's parents? Dinah said they're on the conservative side when it comes to dragons, that there's a good chance they won't approve of the fact that I'm human."

"Oh, sure. There are definitely dragons like that—lemme tell you, it is not fun to go to a dragon-Thing and realize you're the only one in the entire place that isn't wearing scales. Dragons branch out and live with a lot of different species, a lot of the time having eggs with them but, like I said, if you hatch from a dragon egg, draconic law says you're a dragon. Now, some dragons get all hung up on 'purity' and insist that the only _true_ dragons are those who come from dragon/dragon matings, but they're generally considered hidebound idiots and most of them don't have anything to do with the rest of the world anymore."

"What, they live in the mountains? Lairs and all that?" Or maybe remote, otherwise-unoccupied islands. Could be that Tim means to take them by boat to wherever it is his parents have their summer home. Though, if that were the case, Conner should be slowing down to land on the docks below. Instead, he's picking up speed as they reach the edge of the city.

Conner laughs and, in one heart-stopping move, does a loop-de-loop mid-flight. "Heck no, there aren't nearly enough caves or mountains to hide them, especially now that there are satellites and stuff to worry about. Naw, they drop the wings and retire to the one place left on the planet where there's still enough space to hide their scaly asses."

Jason feels like smacking his forehead for how stupid he's been. "The ocean. They're hiding in the _ocean_." For all Dinah's talk about taking the egg with J's essence to the sea dragons, he'd assumed she meant dragons that lived on some remote island, not _in the actual_ _sea_.

"Yep! They keep growing their entire lives and if they don't plan ahead with balancing their dimensional equilibrium—and a lot of them apparently didn't, back in the day—they can't do much shifting when they get up there in years."

"Dimensional _what_-now?" They term sounds vaguely familiar, but he can't remember if it's something Tim's mentioned before or not.

"Dimensional equilibrium. Science has never been my strongest subject, but the way I understand it is that since matter can't be created or destroyed, theoretically a tiny dragon like Tim shouldn't be able to transform into a full-grown human, right?"

It's something he's frequently wondered about—there's an obvious displacement of air when Tim changes, but since he's prone to slipping between forms in private, Jason just figured it wasn't a big deal. "Isn't it just, well—magic?"

"Magic still has to follow certain laws of the universe. The reason dragons can transform into creatures of different sizes is because they sort of… borrow the mass from somewhen else. Or store it there."

"Some_when_? So it's not just shape-changing, it's time travel also?" All of this is seriously starting to make Jason's head hurt.

"Yes and no? Dragons are four-dimensional beings, meaning they kinda physically exist in simultaneously in all times. Which basically everyone does, sorta, except since dragons are a bit more aware of that simultaneous existence than everyone else, they can borrow or lend to past, present, and future versions of themselves," Conner explains as he slowly descends, finally coming to ground on something Jason can't quite make out in the darkness. "Time for you to change. I'll hold onto all your stuff while you're gone," he says, turning his back to give him some privacy.

Swallowing, Jason sets down Babs's bag, double-checking to make sure the charm bracelet he put on earlier is still around his wrist before he kneels to take off his shoes. He almost falls over when he rests his hand on the surface below them and feels it shift in a slow, regular movement very much like breathing. "Hey. What is this place?"

He can hear the amusement in Conner's voice when he replies with, "Being 4-D creatures also means if dragons don't borrow mass from their huge future self, they can't transform into something smaller for very long when they get older. Tim tries to spend at least a month each year as a blue whale, to counterbalance his future self."

Tim, they're on top of _Tim_. "Can he hear us?" Jason asks, making sure to be extra careful with his boots as unties them and sets them aside before shimmying out of his jeans. He hopes he hasn't accidentally bruised Tim, he has no idea how thick a whale's hide is.

"Eh, maybe. If he can, it's because he's using some half-assed listening spell he probably didn't put nearly enough effort into." The surface under them rumbles, and Jason has to steady himself to keep from accidentally rolling off. "There you are. Yeah, he can hear us. Though if he knows what's good, he'll keep his opinions to himself before you, the soft, squishy, and _very_ delicate human, end up hurt." Under them, the movement immediately ceases.

Jason is quick to pull off the rest of his clothes. He's a little nervous about taking off his boxers—it doesn't seem right to rub his bare junk around on the inside of something he's borrowing, but according to the included instructions he read earlier, even having just the foreign element of the charm bracelet is pushing it a little. With more than a little trepidation, he swaps out his clothes for the contents of the bag, spreading it out on Tim's back. With the greatest of care, he pulls it on.

The effect is almost immediate as he tugs the last scrap of leather into place—the pelt first tightens, hugging him snuggly, then his body seems to _shift_, swelling to fill the space inside as his limbs shrink and fuse while his fingers lengthen. The transformation both is and isn't painful, though there's definitely a moment of panic when he feels his dick get swallowed up and cease to be.

"Okay," he says in a language that sure as hell isn't English. "That was pretty damned freaky."

"Hey, be fair," Conner says as he turns back around, his feet already hovering a few inches above Tim's broad back. "It's not every day a non-dragon becomes a selkie _and_ changes sexes at the same time."

A familiar pressure slides over Jason's body, and a tenseness he hadn't even realized was there bleeds away as he recognizes the telekinetic touch. It's more than a little reassuring, since Conner can claim all he likes that whale under them is Tim, but at least this way Jason _knows_. He can't exactly smile with this face, but he can rub a flipper over the smooth skin under him, returning the gesture.

"Hey, idiot," Conner says, floating over to kick at the whale until its head rises some above the surface of the water. "In the future, maybe don't leave me to explain everything to your dude, okay? Sharing is caring, Timbo."

The whale shudders, one great eye rolling back towards Jason, who's awkwardly flopping forward. It's quickly becoming apparent what Babs meant about the pelt still being damaged—despite having a perfectly capable set of legs when he went into it, he now finds he can't feel anything below his waist. "Before you start bawling him out, maybe you could grab my things first? Not keen on ending up naked at the end of this," he says, wrinkling his nose at the odd language that the words come out in.

"Fine, fine." Conner swoops down, resting a hand on the whale's nose. The bag with Jason's clothes jerks across the whale's back to him, stopping when it gets close so he can grab the handles. "My TK is limited by touch," he says when he notices Jason watching. "I can fly because I'm touching the air—yeah, I know it's flimsy, but it works—but everything else, I have to be touching it directly or indirectly to do anything to it. It's like I said, I'm a shitty dragon."

The surface under Jason rolls as Tim makes a loud _harrumph_ noise, water spouting from his blowhole to drench Conner. The movement is enough to jostle Jason from his precarious position, and flails as he slides sideways, tumbling into the water.

It's not nearly as cold as he thought it would be, which makes sense considering the amount of blubber he's currently sporting. For the moment he just enjoys bobbing along, appreciating how easy it is to float. It's when he tries to move that he again encounters a problem, quickly seeing that his puny flippers don't offer near enough oomph to move his newly acquired bulk.

He's floundering, trying not to panic—he can float, he already _knows_ he can float, it's fine that he can't swim—but it's hard not to when he's in an alien body in an unfamiliar environment. "Hey, whoa, you okay there?" Conner asks, resting a hand on his head. Suddenly, Jason feels his limbs settling down, his body straightening out so he's no longer flailing. "Guess we should have found out first whether you can swim or not."

"I can swim fine," Jason growls, tamping down the instinctual urge to struggle against what has to be Conner's telekinesis. "Unfortunately, the selkie I borrowed this skin from _can't_."

"Don't worry," Tim says, his words a little slower than usual and a lot louder, "I already thought of that and I'm going to pull you." There's a small jerk, and then Jason's sliding out from under Conner's touch, gliding through the water. "See?"

"Great, so I'm on a leash now," Jason grumbles, though he leans over to nuzzle Tim's cheek.

"Ew, gross. I don't want to know _anything_ about what kind of kinky shit you two get up to. Good luck, guys. Jason, I'll be back for you tomorrow morning," Conner says, already drifting further and further away until he's just a dark speck against the clouds overhead, and then not even that.

"For future reference," Jason says. "It's definitely Good Dating Etiquette to let your boyfriend know if you're planning to fuck off to be a whale for a month. _Especially_ if said boyfriend is supposed to meet up with you at some point during that time."

"Oops?" Tim says, though he doesn't sound very contrite as he swims forward, his telekinesis tugging Jason along. "It's possible I rehearsed it so many times in my head that I maybe convinced myself I'd told you when I hadn't."

Jason sighs, nudging Tim again with the tip of his nose. Muzzle. Snout. Whatever. "So, how's this supposed to work? Conner said something about meeting your parents?"

"Well, I mean. I usually do visit them during the summer—just to check in, make sure they're alive, determine whether I'm still an only child, that kind of thing. I thought you might like to tag along, but I totally understand if you'd rather not."

"Naw, I'm down with it. My boyfriend is currently one of the largest things on the planet, I figure there's very little that can make tonight any weirder at this point."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the parents, eek.

Tim swims a little farther, then instructs Jason to take a deep breath before he angles his huge body downwards and starts diving. "Because we're communicating using subvocal magic, it doesn't actually use up any air to speak underwater," Tim explains as they travel. "At the same time, we've both got limited air supplies, so we can't stay under for longer than an hour. Which is good, really—gives us a convenient excuse to cut and run when my parents get obnoxious."

"Maybe it'll go okay?" Jason suggests, though he can't see how it can from everything that Conner and Dinah have told him. "For all you know, they might actually like me."

"Jason, I don't expect them to approve of you and I don't expect you to like them—heck, I'm not particularly fond of them, and they theoretically raised me," Tim rumbles, slow and deep.

"_Theoretically_ raised you?" Jason's always been under the impression that Tim's childhood was much more normal than his own, barring the whole dragon thing.

"There's some debate on how much they actually raised me and how much I raised myself. Anyway, the point is that I always visit them when they're like this because it means I have the excuse that I can't stick around for very long on account of how whales have to return to the surface for air. That's also why I figured this would be the best time to have you meet them, since it'll put a time-limit on the visit."

"Uh, not to be Debbie Downer or anything, but couldn't you just transform into something that doesn't have to surface to breathe? Like a whale shark or giant squid or anything other than a mammal." He gets why Tim chooses to go with a blue whale—largest living animal, more bang for his buck in terms of acting as a dimensional counter-balance, it makes sense—he just can't see why it should be limited to just the one transformation.

"Ugh, no. It's a literal headache to be a squid and all those arms and tentacles get me mixed up and I say this as someone who has six limbs in their natural form," Tim says, rolling one huge eye. "Plus, it takes a lot of energy for a transformation of this size, that's why I only do it once a year."

"Couldn't you just transform into a sea serpent? I'd think that would be the natural choice."

"Dragons can't become other dragons. We can transform into any magical or mundane eukaryotic animal except for dragons—then we're stuck with our natural size and shape. The only way I can be a sea serpent is by growing into one. Not that I'd want to become one anyway. Then I'd _never_ get away from my parents."

Eventually, they reach a rocky mass that juts up from the seabed. Numerous long, ominous-looking shadows mill about it in the murky depths. Clearing his throat, Tim lets out a long, booming, "Hello."

"Timothy! Is it that time of year again already? I swear the months simply fly by once you reach your fifth century," a serpent exclaims, fish scattering as it breaks away from its fellows to join Tim and Jason.

"Hello, Mom," Tim says. "And yes, it's July. Which you already knew, since you can't have been down here for more than a week or two at the most."

"Oh, well. The days just blend together when you're not a slave to the sun," the serpent says and then, completely at odds with such a huge form, it _titters_.

Jason's feeling more than a little disturbed by the whole thing.

"Sooo," Tim asks, drawing out the word even longer than necessary for his current form, "where's Dad?"

"Oh," the serpent says, flipping her tail and rolling her eyes. "You know how Jack is—no matter how often I remind him that it takes two to make a couple, he just can't drag himself away from his silly shipwrecks."

"Dad's something of an archeologist," Tim tells Jason.

"Hello, who's this? A selkie?" The serpent leans in close and Jason finds himself pressing back against the solid, comforting mass of Tim.

"Mom, this is Jason. Jason, my mother, Janet Drake," Tim says, and Jason feels a familiar, comforting power squeeze his flipper in reassurance. They can't really embrace in their current forms, but it's nice that they can at least have this much.

"Hello, uh. Ma'am?" Jason isn't entirely sure if the term is correct—he's currently finding it very difficult to forget that dragons are agender shapeshifters—but he'd rather risk it than appear rude to this massive creature. And Tim _did_ introduce the serpent as his mother.

"Oh, very polite," Janet purrs. "Timothy, you never mentioned in your letters that you'd befriended a selkie! How absolutely charming. Tell me, which colony do you hail from? Or, no—you'd primarily be a land-dweller, wouldn't you, my dear? I know Timothy has been rather taken with human technology and insisted on finding work with one of their companies."

"Uh, actually…" Jason stalls, not entirely sure if he should correct her or not, what with everything Dinah told him. Though, considering her positive response to the idea of her offspring dating a selkie, maybe it won't be so bad?

"Jason is my boyfriend," Tim explains, the invisible presence on Jason's flipper giving another encouraging squeeze. "I like him a lot and we're very serious. Thinking about moving in together," he adds, which is news to Jason. Not bad news, but news all the same.

The serpent sighs, flicking a fin. "Yes, well. You've made it _quite_ clear you're not interested in our traditions, so I'm hardly surprised. At least a selkie is another shape-changer. Why, I think there's some evidence in the Archives of selkies hailing from dragon-stock originally, come to think of it…" Janet trails off, her snout wrinkling. "Wait. _Boy_friend? I'm sorry, but this is _clearly_ a female of her species."

"Wow, rude," is out of Jason's mouth before he can stop himself. He really has to stop spending so much time around Charlie. Still, the damage is already done. "I can't believe a dragon is claiming a person can't identify as a different gender than the one assigned to them at birth. Pretty hypocritical, if you ask me."

"I'm sorry, dear, you're right," Janet says, resting a claw delicately on Jason's fin. If it's meant to be a reassuring gesture, it definitely comes across as more of a menacing one. "It's just that our Timothy is a little slow about these matters and not always the brightest spark in the fire. I wouldn't want anyone trying to deceive him."

Against his better judgement, Jason carefully removes his flipper from her touch. He wishes he could move further up Tim's side as well, but his tail remains useless and he's still figuring out how to go about swimming using the flippers alone. "First of all, Tim is one of the smartest, most intelligent people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting," he says coldly. "Secondly—lady, you're in for a serious disappointment if you think I'm a selkie."

Her face freezes in place, eyes slowly growing larger. "Excuse me, but what?"

"As I was about to say before you got up on your high horse about dragon superiority again," Tim says, "Jason is my very _human_ boyfriend. He's a powerful witch, but a newly made one, so he borrowed the skin of a friend for this visit."

"A human." Janet's face is still frozen, though Jason thinks her eye might be twitching slightly. "Oh. How… delightful."

"I've definitely been described that way in the past," Jason tells her, leaving out the part where, with the exception of Tim, the word has always been used sarcastically.

"I'm sure. You must make my son very… happy." Yeah, that's definitely a twitch, and Jason isn't surprised when he suddenly finds his entire body engulfed in Tim's phantom touch, the power clinging to his sides like an invisible sort of shield against the world. Or perhaps just a very irate draconic parent.

"I try my hardest to do so every day," he answers, putting every bit of sincerity he possesses behind the words.

"I like him a lot, Mom," Tim repeats. "He even made me a proper contraovum amulet."

"Tim!" Jason hisses, surprised that he should even admit to that. He's not sure bringing up the fact that they're fairly active in the bedroom is the best way to win over a huge beast capable of snapping him up in a single bite.

"I would _never_," Janet says with a gasp, rearing backwards. "Quite aside from the fact that you are a sentient being capable of using magic, my child is very fond of you and I'm hardly going to put that kind of stress on my relationship with him!"

"What—?"

"Mother, it's _rude_ to eavesdrop on other people's thoughts!" Tim sighs and the invisible hand moves to cup Jason's cheek. "Sorry, I should have warned you that one of Mom's sorcery talents is telepathy, but I thought I didn't need to on account of how it's not _done_ in polite company."

"He thought I might eat him, like some sort of _animal_! What kind of barbarian are you consorting with, Timothy?"

"Mom, you're really intimidating for someone small, I'm sure Jason didn't—"

"You can tell yourself he doesn't mean it as much as you like, but you know this is only going to keep happening as long as you insist on taking up with these inferior species," Janet insists, her voice gradually rising higher and higher, booming through the water at such a level that Jason finds himself wishing he had hands to put over his ears. "They will never truly understand or appreciate the majesty and beauty of your true form!"

"Hey, now! I appreciate Tim just fine—no matter what shape he's in! But I can't help it if my little monkey brain means I experience a healthy dose of fear and caution when I'm around a predator several times my size," Jason insists. "You can pretend all you like, but your mouth is full of canines and those are _not_ the teeth of a mild-mannered herbivore."

"He doesn't even know his own history! He thinks his people are descended from _monkeys_!"

"Seriously, lady? It's an expression, I didn't seriously mean it any more than Tim meant you actually ride horses a few minutes ago," Jason snaps back. Yeah, he's definitely seeing why Tim loathes visiting his parents if this is the sort of thing he has to deal with.

"Honestly, you could do so much better than this, dearest," Janet wheedles, apparently having decided to ignore Jason completely now. "Why, just a few years ago that sweet Luthor child expressed an interest in courting you—why didn't you ever pursue that?"

"_Kon_?" Tim jostles, turning his bulk so he can fix one great eye on the serpent. "Mom, you _hate_ Kon—you don't even consider him a dragon! You said if he knew what was good for him, he'd kill himself to make sure he never had a chance to further pollute the bloodlines!"

"Timothy, really, that's a gross exaggeration—I said if his _parent_ had any sense he would've eaten the child as soon as it became clear it was a mutant," Janet corrects, like it's somehow better than what Tim said. She dismisses the thought with a flip of her tail, sending waves through the water; only Tim's telekinetic hold keeps Jason from being sent tumbling away. "And _obviously_ not him, I meant Luthor the _parent_—I don't recall what they're going by these days, but they're a perfectly respectable dragon except for letting their curiosity get the better of them that one time. Their family can be traced back to the Golden Age!"

"Mother," Tim booms, "Luthor is a _warlock_."

"Well, needs must at times, and things just haven't been the same since the humans discovered steam power and started breeding like rabbits," Janet says, drifting away slightly as if pushed by Tim's bellows.

"Wow, thank you for reminding yet again why I avoid you most of the year," Tim says in what is no doubt supposed to be an undertone but completely fails to remain so due to his size.

"_Such_ a disappointment, I'm so glad your father isn't here to witness this," Janet sniffs.

"Oh, grow up," Tim grumbles. "C'mon, Jason. Let's go."

"That's it? I've barely had a chance to see you," the serpent whines, doubling back and practically charging at them.

"Jason has a limited amount of air and can only stay submerged like this for thirty minutes at most. I'm sure you can understand that we're unwilling to risk his life just so you can degrade me and my life choices," Tim snaps, turning the huge bulk of his body and beginning the slow ascent to the surface, his mental hold on Jason pulling him along.

"Good bye," Jason calls back. "I'd say it was a pleasure to meet you, but I have a feeling you really don't like lies."

The serpent releases a stream of bubbles, then flicks her huge tail in obvious disgust. This time, the wave of water hastens them on their way.

* * *

"Wow, I'm so sorry about her."

"Hey, no." Jason presses a flipper against Tim's side, wishing he could gather him up into his lap like he usually does. "You don't need to apologize for her behavior. She has only herself to blame for being a racist bitch."

"I guess. I want to say that she's really not that bad, but in some ways she's one of the worst kind of bigots—the kind where she thinks humans are _fine_, they're _lovely_—some of her closest friends are humans!"

"She just really doesn't want her kid dating one."

"Pretty much, yeah."

They breach the surface and, with a little telekinetic help, he scrambles back up onto Tim's back to stretch out and relax some. Spend some time thinking about everything that Janet let slip. "So. Conner's dragon dad, Luthor. He… really did a number on Clark, didn't he?"

"It's really not something I should talk about," Tim says, his voice dropping to a dull rumble. Above the water, it's not nearly so loud and booming.

"Conner told me a bit about how Luthor did some sketchy stuff to make an egg with Clark, and then more sketchy stuff while he was still in the shell," Jason offers. Between that and different vague things Tim has said in the past, plus what he just learned… "He's the friend who's dad got screwed over by a warlock, right?"

Tim's eye rolls around to look vaguely in Jason's direction. "You're way too perceptive for your own good. Seriously, though—I really shouldn't talk about it without their permission," he repeats. "It's… It was a really awful situation and messed up Clark and Conner and their adoptive parents for ages."

Jason can respect that, so he drops it. Though. "And your mom thinks this Luthor is a good match for you? Yikes."

"Mom is… she means well. But her ability to understand concepts like morality and common decency is more than a little lacking. Honestly, this was a pretty good meeting between me and her, all things considered."

"I don't want to know what they're like when they go badly, do I?"

"Let's just say that the amount of property damage has gone down considerably ever since I got old enough to only see them when they're in serpent form," Tim says dryly. "Though I'm pretty sure Mom has some lovely antique furniture that she's never getting the smoke smell out of."

* * *

They drift for what feels like hours, just talking and enjoying spending time with one another. Jason hadn't realized how much he'd grown used to Tim's company until suddenly he found himself without it for a week. It's a realization that brings him back to something he'd almost forgotten about, between everything else.

"Wanna tell me when I was gonna find out about us moving in together?"

To his credit, Tim shudders in what's probably embarrassment. "Oh, uh. That just… sort of slipped out? I mean, Artemis mentioned a couple weeks back that the sylphs on the fourth floor are moving, and their unit's a full-size apartment. I was planning on asking you, but, uh. It slipped my mind?"

"A lot of things seem to be slipping your mind lately. Should I be concerned about your memory going in your old age?" Jason teases.

"Oh, be quiet—you _know_ you're older than me," Tim grumbles. "I just sometimes forget things when I'm stressed out!"

"It's true. He's been known to forget his own birthday if you let him. Makes it really easy to plan surprise parties," Conner says, gently descending until he's about a foot above the waves. "You ready to go back?"

"Huh? Already?" It doesn't feel like it's been nearly long enough, but the first rays of sun are starting to peek out above the waves in the distance. "Shit, I still gotta get stuff set up for the day at the shop," Jason groans, struggling to the center of Tim's back.

"Don't worry about that, I've been watching you all week and can easily take care of it," Conner reassures him as Tim floats the bag from his grasp and over to Jason. "You can go to bed after we get back and I'll wake you up thirty minutes before the kids show up for the pee-wee game."

Which brings up another point. "We can't play if Tim's stuck out here."

"It's fine," Tim says. "Conner knows my style of playing, I trust him not to completely screw things up. Just make sure you don't get any bad rolls," he cautions his friend.

"Don't worry," Conner says with a laugh. "As long as I have my hand on the table, I should be able to manage that."

Jason pauses, selkie skin pulled halfway off, dangling from his waist. "Wait. Have you been cheating on your rolls all this time? _Tim_—"

"Only the nat 1s! And you can hardly blame me for that."

* * *

Over a month later, the bell above the front entrance of Knight & Page jingles. Jason glances up out of habit, expecting a confused soccer mom or curious teenager and feels his heart leap in his chest and threaten to beat through his ribcage when he sees it's neither.

Tim in the doorway certainly _looks_ like he's been on vacation for a month. Wet, too-long hair slicked back, light tan all over. Strong, defined muscles that Jason _definitely_ doesn't remember being there before. Apparently all the constant swimming and surviving on a krill-only diet works wonders.

He glances over at Jason and breaks into a smile, brilliant and amazing, lighting up his entire face and oh. Oh, Tim definitely was onto something when he told Janet that he thought this was serious, because they haven't seen or spoken with each other in weeks and all Jason can think is that this is the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

"Hey," he says when Tim comes over to the counter. "Thought you weren't coming back until this evening. Conner and I were planning to meet you at the docks, take you out for the birthday you oh so conveniently didn't tell me about the last time we talked."

Tim winces slightly. "To be fair, Conner _did_ warn you that I'm very bad at remembering when it happens. He may've just forgotten to mention that part of the reason for this is I also generally don't have a calendar anywhere near me at the time."

"We're still taking you out. You don't get any say in this," Jason warns, but he's already fisting the front of Tim's T-shirt, pulling him in for slow, searing kiss. "…missed you."

"Missed you too," Tim mumbles. "Was going to stay out until this evening, but considering how much overtime I have to pull to make up for taking five weeks off, I decided I'd rather come back early and spend the afternoon with you."

"Well, in that case…" Jason shoots off a quick text on his phone, then comes around the counter. "I have a surprise for you."

"I do like surprises," Tim says, leaning into Jason's side. "What's up?"

"Well, first we have to wait for Conner to get his lazy super-speed ass down here to watch the store," Jason says, securing an arm around his waist. "But once he's here, I thought we might go check out the apartment on the fourth floor. I talked to Art about it after last Date Night, and she and Mau agreed to leave it empty until you got back and we decided if we really wanted to move."

"Oh," Tim says, sounding a little breathless. "That would be… I'd really like that, Jason."

It's hard to keep from smirking, but Jason likes to think he manages alright. "I thought you might."

**Author's Note:**

> [I have a tumblr!](http://themandylion.tumblr.com/) Come visit if you want ridiculous AU headcanons, rants about the English language (and/or educational publishing), history fangirling, adorable baby bats, and veeeeery occasional fanart. Also, because I am an actual human being with opinions of my own, sometimes I post or reblog things that reflect those opinions. If you can't handle the idea of someone existing in the universe and possessing opinions which differ from your own, you probably should not click on that link.


End file.
